*48 Mt. Baker* The mountain ain't been out in days and I've spent these afternoons in a haze with shit across my face. Tomorrow brings a chance of rain and a chance I'll find a better way to say the things that I have got to say. A better way to face these aching days in this aching city amidst these assholes, shills and liars. How do I grow? To what do I aspire? Hold my feet up to the fire. This vacant vagrant's uninspired, fucking up and fucking tired. *Daybreaker* Aw fuck. Sixth or seventh time November's given me to get this right and I'm hard-up, despairing and despised. I'll try to keep it all together despite these dirty clothes and empty cans on the floor, adjourned awakenings and flights out the door. Half dead and wide awake for days...but I've got some cigarettes with me, so let's walk down to Pike Street and drag these anxieties through broken bottles and cold concrete and oil-stained puddles at our feet. I've got some cigarettes with me, so let's smoke them on the beach. We'll watch the airplanes scream through rain falling softly on the sea.

"people get ready" written on your desk your last words became true the road splits at the last exit divides the family routes you were never afraid of dying but those left behind to weep have a wall to wail against and a box from Oregon State Police my skicoat is a shelter a companion, and a ghost guards against the elements use the sleeve to wipe my nose when i go down to the crossroads i know just where to go there's a crucifix on the shoulder treadmarks in the snow he could play a guitar like he was praying to god he ran 100 miles on a dare you were visionary, it's true your blood courses through me too each new year brings one more without you i'll meet you on down the road in all that dark, in all that cold fixing a fire just for the two of us i'll be ready...

You're tired of wishing it'd rain wine. I know, 'cuz I've been there myself so many times. Pining for red and white Seattle skies--too fucked up to live, too goddamned rare to die. Making this living has sucked you dry of life. Dying a little harder every day, you find out in the hardest ways just how much "too much" you can take. Try again. Recall how to be brave. Try to make good your escape, but you ain't tryin' to be saved. Fuck screaming for the silence of the grave.